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| Lisa McDonald |
Today (Thursday, September 4th, 2014) marks 2
years since the passing of my wife, Lisa. Even though 2yrs is just a drop in the bucket of
time....thanks to SOS I have learned a lot. Though my views/knowledge may be
infantile in the growth stimulated by her death...This is what I have learned
so far.
1. She did not do this because
she was selfish (If she would've had a choice, this is NOT what she would've
chosen for herself or our children)
2. I can no-longer beat myself up
with the should've, would've, could'ves. (Even though I like to think the
properly placed hug, "I Love You", advice or consult would've stopped
this...and may have stopped it a hundred times before...without her seeking the
help she needed this was inevitable)
3. My children and I were blessed
to have had all the time we did get with her and the things we learned from her
are priceless. (It feels better to focus on all the life we got to live with
her and smile than it is to focus on how much life she is no longer sharing
with us and feeling torn up)
4. She wanted us to LIVE....she
only wanted HER exit not ours. In her mind of the moment she believed she was
unburdening us of her problems (sad I know), But she wanted us to live and
share in joy that she assumed she could no longer feel or provide.
5 People around me do not know
how to deal with Survivors...a lot of foot in mouth that requires forgiveness
or requires a friendship adjustment.
6. My children and I are no
longer the same people we were.
7. I cannot control other peoples
actions...only the amount of involvement they have in my life.
8. EVERYONE is an expert of
grief...except for those who are going through it.
9. I had to learn to be
empathetic to other peoples problems....I know their problems do not have the
depth or darkness that my grief journey holds and in turn I thank God that they
do not or cannot feel that depth...that makes me happy. ("Be kind for
everyone you meet is experiencing a hard struggle).
10. You will NEVER get over
grief, you can only go directly through it. (Head first with tears in my eyes,
a golf ball in my throat, and misplaced laughter)
This is my
journey and everyone else's is different, as different as the people we have
all lost to suicide...yet as I go to more and more meetings I realize a lot of
our travel is super similar, just like our loved ones had their
similarities..ie. They were smart (really smart), always had a good heart, a
smile for everyone and they each left a huge hole that has become our job to
fill with LOVE (it hopefully drips on others).
Thank
you for letting me express myself...and thank you for the people in my group
who allow me to share my own twisted view of grief... you all mean the world to
me...whether a first timer or old timer. SOS has made my insanity seem sane.
- Charles McDonald
