Thoughts on D.W. Winnicott

By
Christopher Lukas   

          I have been reading about D.W. Winnicott recently. He was the ground-breaking pediatrician and psychoanalyst who came up with the term “holding environment” for both what a child experiences with his/her mother and the psychotherapeutic experience at its best. He also coined the term “good-enough mother,” which was meant to describe a mother who was sufficiently healthy emotionally and present enough of the time to give a baby the sense of love and continuity that we all need.

           What impressed me even more about Winnicott’s writing was something that applied specifically to my experience and, I suspect, to that of many whose mothers were depressed in their childhoods and killed themselves, as mine did.

           My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she attempted suicide just after my older brother’s birth in 1933. She also had postpartum depression. Hospitalized for several months – during which time she made another suicide attempt – she was well enough to come home, to raise her young son and to give birth, in 1935, to another son – myself.

          Six years passed before our mother became so depressed again that she killed herself.
What Winnicott suggests is that any child who is subjected to a depressed (“absent”) mother during the early years is likely to be “knocked down” and to spend the rest of his/her life “in the business of trying to keep Mother alive.”

          In looking back (at the age of 78) I can see how both my brother and I were never satisfied with achievements, no matter how great, because they did not result in bringing mother back to life. The applause was never enough!
In 1997, my brother killed himself.

           I have struggled with depression my whole life, but never felt suicidal. I’m lucky, because certainly I had to battle the depression of my mother during my early years – and certainly I felt that I couldn’t “keep her alive” and happy during those years.
I hope this insight may help others who have had the same or similar experiences.

Christopher Lukas

         PS> I have written about this experience in two books: SILENT GRIEF, and BLUE GENES, both of which can be found in the usual places.

Another writer (Vanessa McGann Ph. D.) and I are now embarking on a book project that involves children who experienced a suicide when they were young, and caregivers in a family where young children had that experience. We’d love to hear from people who want to participate. See our memo about it at http://members.authorsguild.net/kitl/newsletter.htm?newsletter=