Saturday, September 6, 2014

REFLECTIONS of a SURVIVOR


Lisa McDonald


Today (Thursday, September 4th, 2014) marks 2 years since the passing of my wife, Lisa. Even though 2yrs is just a drop in the bucket of time....thanks to SOS I have learned a lot. Though my views/knowledge may be infantile in the growth stimulated by her death...This is what I have learned so far.

1. She did not do this because she was selfish (If she would've had a choice, this is NOT what she would've chosen for herself or our children)

2. I can no-longer beat myself up with the should've, would've, could'ves. (Even though I like to think the properly placed hug, "I Love You", advice or consult would've stopped this...and may have stopped it a hundred times before...without her seeking the help she needed this was inevitable)

3. My children and I were blessed to have had all the time we did get with her and the things we learned from her are priceless. (It feels better to focus on all the life we got to live with her and smile than it is to focus on how much life she is no longer sharing with us and feeling torn up)

4. She wanted us to LIVE....she only wanted HER exit not ours. In her mind of the moment she believed she was unburdening us of her problems (sad I know), But she wanted us to live and share in joy that she assumed she could no longer feel or provide.

5 People around me do not know how to deal with Survivors...a lot of foot in mouth that requires forgiveness or requires a friendship adjustment.

6. My children and I are no longer the same people we were.

7. I cannot control other peoples actions...only the amount of involvement they have in my life.

8. EVERYONE is an expert of grief...except for those who are going through it.

9. I had to learn to be empathetic to other peoples problems....I know their problems do not have the depth or darkness that my grief journey holds and in turn I thank God that they do not or cannot feel that depth...that makes me happy. ("Be kind for everyone you meet is experiencing a hard struggle).

10. You will NEVER get over grief, you can only go directly through it. (Head first with tears in my eyes, a golf ball in my throat, and misplaced laughter)

This is my journey and everyone else's is different, as different as the people we have all lost to suicide...yet as I go to more and more meetings I realize a lot of our travel is super similar, just like our loved ones had their similarities..ie. They were smart (really smart), always had a good heart, a smile for everyone and they each left a huge hole that has become our job to fill with LOVE (it hopefully drips on others).

Thank you for letting me express myself...and thank you for the people in my group who allow me to share my own twisted view of grief... you all mean the world to me...whether a first timer or old timer. SOS has made my insanity seem sane.


-  Charles McDonald

No comments:

Post a Comment